Your love feels like a longing

Your love feels like a longing
I almost touch it but don't
I get to you, against all odds, 
Only to find you in another castle.

Your love feels like a longing
I almost reach you but don't
I hop times, spaces, Lives to get there
Only to trip over another trap.

Your love feels like a longing
I almost find you but don't
Making some sense in your absence
Only tunneling my thoughts endlessly.

Your love feels like a longing
I almost get you but don't
If you say yes, I say, I'd fight dragons
Only you deride a desire, heartlessly.

Your love feels like a longing
I almost change for you but don't
I try to become what you need
Only to lose you, then me, constantly.

Your love feels like you oblige
I almost believe it but don't
You may walk back to the starting line someday
And when you do, you won't have my company.

We Survived

Wobbling, I fall down

Stuttering, Unclear, my mistakes profound

What a mess, a pile of flaws

Trying to match the nature's laws

Highlighted, standing in spotlight

Brought forth my life's plight

Wary of true self, I hide

With the lion's skin on, I stay disguised

Like You, I masquerade

The world and you and I play facade

But, You know the face beneath this veil

The vulnerable wounds of fear if I fail

You, my dear, know the fragility of my flesh and bones

And you know the twists in my wavering tones

My head housing perforated thoughts

You know which are true and what is farce

Stay back and stop, don't speculate and say

Weak in your conviction, and your tears are a bait

Without knowing the right from wrong

You don't realize what you say

You turn my day to gloom,

And leave my nights doomed

Knowing all about my fears

My chest open, laid bare

Your arrow draws through the skin

Words pierce punishing my sins

Avowed, I ask for amnesty

Defeated I say, "Set me free!"

You are at fault as am I

Withered in time, we both have lied

Either we slaughter each other undignified

Or live through the troughs and say "We Survived!"

The Conversations

CALL 1

“You didn’t wish me today”, Vidhu exclaimed.

“Ya! Happy Tuesday!” Vishal replied.

“Ya! Same to you!” she retorted back.

“I don’t believe in all this Valentine’s Day and stuff. Plus we have our own day. This day is not needed.”

“I know, even I don’t, but I am not asking for gifts or flowers. I just want you to wish or say you love me.”

“That I say daily, what difference will it make?”

Nothing, but I still wanted you to wish me once. I called you so many times in the morning but you didn’t pick up.”

“I was sleeping. I picked up the call to say so”

“And, then you didn’t wake up until 4pm? That was when your call came”

“I woke up but I slept again”

“Great. That is why I didn’t pick-up your calls and not because I was busy.”

“Oh! So you wanted to do ‘a-tit-for-tat’?”

“Yes! You can’t even say a few words of love. Not even a bit of romance left in you.”

“I told you I don’t believe in this day.”

“Ok. At least wish me now”

“Happy Tuesday!”

“Same to you.”

“You voice is not clear. Could you be louder?”

“I said bye”

“What? Bye? But Why?”

“You can’t hear me. Can you?”

“I will call you later, ok. Can’t hear you properly”

“Bye”

Call Ends

Text Message Sent To Vishal

“I missed you so much. I wanted to hear a few words of affection. I know I hear them every day and it shouldn’t matter be it today or tomorrow. But, was expecting something.. just a few words of love maybe.”

CALL 2

“Hey Hi Vidhu. How are you?”

“I am good Nitish. What about you?”

“I am great. Hey, quickly tell me. Which is your favourite colour?”

“What? What are you getting? No! I don’t want anything. Please.”

“Tell you favourite colour, I am in a hurry. Quick, quick.”

“Hey what are you getting? Please don’t. I really don’t want anything.”

“Tell me the colour fast”

“Purple”

“Don’t worry. Got to go. Bye”

“Ok”

Call Ends

Let's Go Love

Let's meet today

In the heavens of land

That is no more

Stoned in sand

Let's pick up the waves

Over the water bodies of time

And create ripples in the wind

Through the sounds of windchime

Let's fly through the clouds

And play with the milky way

Let's us plunge into the sky of stars

And go that far away

Let's meet in the dreamland 

Where we always hold hands 

And behold each other

Where we don't think what happened

And what might happen further

IC: Vimal's painting, sketches and photography

Let go Off

You Absorb your pieces of Ruins
Inside the Mud of your Memories
You pick up Obsolete Talks
And carry on your daily Deeds

You Smile and Smoke up the Tears
Wriggle and Shed your dreadful Fears
For once Look behind , what your own Shadow Hides
Dents in Bent Souls don't get washed by Time and Tides

Earn yourself from the Intimidating Pride
One that Wins with Facade and Fight
Reborn with the Light of Truth in your Eyes
And Swell yourself with Love, not Despise
Call out to the Pigeons of Peace
Listen to the Fugitive Emotions you Keep

Rub your Ribs and Clutch your Arm
Wait for your Heart to Brave and Respond
Lift off the Mask and Quench your Pain
While longing for Love, don't let it go in Vain

Strain your mind against the Greed of the World
Material is comfort as Money Manifolds
Though nothing will Fill the Jar of Desire
The More you Put,the lesser will seem Entire
So you Suffer albeit the Glass is Full
Asking where is the space to Refill
And You Fetch another One
Hence, it Starts from Where it had Begun

Contentment isn't synonym to 'NO'
Neither does it ask you to Forgo
Treasure the part that You already Bear
And Ruin it with Compassion and Care

Free yourself from the Bondage of Want
Free yourself from the Ties that Knot
Free yourself from the Tears you Hide
Let go Off the inside Fight
Let go Off the Fake Side
Let go..

And Remember: Don't Forget To Smile


image credits:http://logas69.deviantart.com/art/Dandelion-302728337

She never looked back

The wedding gown burned
As she walked down the aisle
The ring in her finger
She never looked back
The wedding gown dragged 
And picked up the dirt
The tulips left her hands
She never looked back
The goblet of wine
Wobbled at the table
The window flaps sealed
And the light turned black
The candles raged flames
The wax dripped on skin
But the bishop read versus
And she never looked back
The kiss was perfect
Yet wounds popped
Brought poisoned slow death
Still She never looked back
The lie felt like truth
Thus became a habit with time
And so until she rested
She never looked back

People-Love-People

People. How they think love is so difficult, that love is not their cup of tea,
that love is that they will never bring themselves to. How they never unerstood that they were changed,
when they fell in love, that they were transformed into a better human being, that they were living each
day with even more zest. How they thought that falling always hurts.

People. They can lie to the world but not their hearts, that are always ready to endure the tough terrains, the crests
and troughs of this journey, that are willing to sacrifice for somebody other than self, that believes truly,
trusts deeply and cares selflessly.

People. They need love, they dont want it. They need the gentle touch of care, they need the assuring words of love,
they need the patient ears in silence. They need someone close with whom they can open up, against the canvas that they paint for world
to watch everyday. They want to give up, in front of someone, where they can lay with their open chests and dry scars, where they can
reveal the dark shadows that scares them, where they can fearlessly dance under the innocence, that usually hides within them.

People. They are far too soft inside, but they don't show. They can take risk, with many hearts, they can even take revenge on them.
But for that one heart, they give up their weapons and lay bare, lay weak, lay in their perfect selves.

People. They are slaves, of their own selves.

S - H - E

 

Everything was crumbling down. The downfall was expected, sooner or later.  Her mind spoke the bitter truth that she had accumulated over the years subconsciously inside her head, in the form of a fear from her previous experiences. It had been the best of her previous years, living the dream she had woven turn by turn, with careful consideration of each step that she had taken in building of this relationship over the period of time. And now what lay before her was a relationship that succumbed to the distances and misunderstandings that unexpectedly did more harm than it should have. She sat in her bathroom on the dry, white tiles with her head in between her elbows and her fingers clasped at the back of her head. She wailed, sometimes too loudly and then dropping her voice to silence in between breaths. Crying off the pain made her feel lighter but then it was equally exhausting in the end, that she gladly accepted to fall asleep and forget everything for some time for the least. 

 

She held on to the silence for a minute and went blank solely concentrating on the mind riff separating the two tiles and the dirt that stuck in between them. It was strange how you drift off and suddenly come to bring your mind to vague things with utter concentration for a jiffy and then roll back to your reality again. She got up, looked around and out of habit went in front of the mirror. She blankly stared herself for a second and then recalled what he had once said about her eyes being beautifully big and her lips being in their perfect curves and color, which suddenly dawned the reality upon her in bolts of emotional blows. She cried again and looked on at herself as she cried half unbelievably half animatedly. She walked out when she could no longer handle the mix of emotions that her own reflection teased her with. Falling on the bed she took less than five minutes to go in a deep sleep, her swollen sockets still trickled a tear on the pink bed sheet underneath her.

 

She woke with a sore throat and blocked nose, the cold bathroom floor was to blame. The light from the huge window had been blinding and irritating to her eyes that were still swollen with continuous crying her grief out. She looked around, sighed and quickly got up to draw them close. She comforted her eyes with the darkness against the heavenly morning light. Backing to her bed she thought of him, and the way he would cuddle against her into a spoon from behind, his heavy arms resting gently over her waist, pulling her closer to his chest. She wished she could talk to him looking into his glinting brown eyes, holding his hands to give him a sense of care through her touch, consoling and comforting him with not just her words but her presence and blow the cloud of misunderstandings away which had unnecessarily shadowed their four year relationship to an extent of giving up on it.

 

May be she could sleep some more and just let the pain subside some more yet again but thoughtfully and  involuntarily got up and walked towards the bathroom. A hot shower might be a healer she thought. So on, she opened her bathroom door with her lousy eyes and turned right to look into the mirror once again. She saw herself, emotionally exhausted, her eyes puffed up with overworking tear glands. The back wall had clothes hung onto steel hooks which she thought didn’t belong to her. She frowned and had a closer look at the mirror, with concentration, to what she just saw instead of turning back. Her eyes widened in disbelief as she got a wider view of her surroundings in the mirror. A halt in surprise would have been a delayed and expected reaction, taking in account her exhaustion from crying herself out, but she suddenly turned around to see two cots with two study tables beside each of them and two cupboards adjacent to the study tables. The toilet seat, the bath tub, the buckets, the taps, they were all gone! Actually her whole bathroom was replaced by a room that looked more like a hostel room set up for students. A bed was neatly made while the other looked like recently used with sheet left out in folds and wrinkles. There were books stacked at the far end of the table to her right while the one on the left had a couple of books scattered and a table lamp that seemed just too familiar. She couldn’t believe her eyes and was literally taken aback. She leaned against the door that closed all of a sudden with a thud.

 

 She looked behind her. Nope, this wasn’t even close to what her bathroom door looked from behind. It was wooden, painted white in oil paint. It freaked her out and she resisted the urge to go near the door to open it and find out what lay behind it or where she was. She wore a loose peach colored top and black short that were comfortable to get into for a good sleep during the warm May days but suddenly she felt cold and her thighs got covered under a layer of goose bumps. She was drawn to the green table lamp and slowly walked towards the table. Surprise turned into shock when she saw her name written on it, and she came to realize that it was the same lamp she had given him when he was leaving the town thinking it might help him during his late night study schedules. The reality fell upon her like a bucket full of cold water. 

She was at his place! 700 Kilometers away from her home, in his city, in his college, in his own room! Telepathy?, She asked herself wide-eyed in disbelief. Did any angels or fairies hear her making a wish? Willow wisps? Cinderella story? Time travel? She just went through any possible way that made it look sensible in the least bit. Is it even real or May I am just in my sleep and I am dreaming because you dream about the last thing you thought before sleeping. That’s how they say. She tried coming up with a satisfactory explanation. So I will wake up, it is just a dream, just a matter of time, I will wake up now. She closed her eyes and tried recalling the moment, the minute before she fell into sleep. Her pink bed sheet, the corner of the bed, her soft pillow and she tried getting her mind back, tried drifting into sleep if it was one or waking up if doing that seemed sensible. She focused not to concentrate on reality, on the window from where the morning light came in and that gave a lush view of the outside flora, instead of the blurred glass window of her bathroom. She almost thought she is losing her mind to nothing when she heard a voice from outside the door. She heard him. It sounded real, it sounded louder as he approached with only the wooden door separating him and her now. Was this really happening? Is this too a part of the dream? What will happen next? She couldn’t digest the sudden change that was unexpected and unexplained.

 

She fixed her eyes at the door without blinking and pinched herself to wake her up before the madness of her mind took over her very self. This can’t be real, I can’t be here, this doesn’t make sense.  The sound of the steps got closer. The voice grew louder and so did the thump of her heart out of both excitement and fear. Before she could think of what to do or say the door knob turned round with a click.

 

 

 

                                                                                                         To be continued . . .

 

 

 

The Ring

The ring fit well but

She thought it was heavy
The ring circled close but
She thought it was loose
The ring shone white

She thought it should soon glitter
The ring that she wore
She thought wore her
The ring that protected
She thought bounded her
The ring of love and life
She thought was interpreter,
The ring of relationship
She thought so but didn't know
The ring was to make it better
She thought of responsibility
The ring was the circle of love
She thought as another circle of life
The ring was not so
She thought of vigilance
The ring gave away the suspense
She thought of betrayal
The ring defeated its influence
She thought of cold
The ring stood thick and bold
She thought but failed
The ring never did

Aesa Des Hai Mera

India is a developing country, where the people value secularism, culture, traditions and their contribution to the country’s diversity. Education to all is the prime aim of the country where it should be necessary to make the population literate and make them aware about the world around them for a better living. 

Better Living, what does it emphasize on?

          Job, Money, Property, Health, Good Life Partner, Settled Children, Easy Retirement;

                                                      Yes?! Is the list complete?

Today’s youth, who are in their twenties, have educated parents or at least parents who understand that the list of words above is incomplete without ‘Happiness’ and ‘Contentment’. Parents who know that this is not the time they had grown up in, not the era, where they walked with heads down and mouths shut against their own voices.

Hell yeah! We are warm blooded youth and we speak for ourselves. Today we raise our own voices to the pitches that ought to be heard loud and far. We do whatever we like on the name of experience and gain wisdom by exploring the depths ourselves.

There is one thing which makes us fall to our feet though, the same secularism that unites us.

Two people are said to fall in love within first sight or meet. But hey! In India, you got to ask the question before you let the cupid strike you,

 “Hi, Are you Hindu? Because I am one, if yes I can go forward and get a rose for you, because I like 

you.”

Or maybe

“Hey, I am sorry, I didn’t know you were a Punjabi, else I wouldn’t have proposed you. I want to break up”

Before the cupid hits your butt, you better question the identity of its arrow because that is how our secular country works!

We are Indians! We make sure, our blood remains pure, even though a Rajput and a Bengali, we know can have the same O+ blood group. ! We prioritize our custom and religion, which if a Punjabi marries a Tamilian, gets degraded. We ensure that our races don’t get devalued if our Muslim son marry a Hindu girl hence such marriages are BANNED!

We are Indians! Social and Secular! Proud to call ourselves united yet divided by the caste system that still ruptures the hearts of the generations that fight to overcome the strains and shackles with their love.

We are Indians! We sell our daughter, with exchange of gold, cars, flats, houses, furniture, expensive clothes and all that in the name of gifts. We call our daughters as Lakshmi and pray them for 9 days, when it comes to marriage, we go to the extent, to devoid them of even education that they are righteous to. We bring home our daughter-in-laws and within a year of marriage, we frequently start questioning about the ‘ghar ka chirag’ (heir to the family).  

We are Indians! We don’t let our children fall in love and marry the ones they know but constraint them to get in bed with a stranger! We let our boys roam the street and chain the girls to the boundaries of home. We blame the females as if they are black cats carrying bad omen and get them married first to get rid of them, because they are a hugely delayed responsibilities of time, that need to be shrugged off.

We are Indians! We are educated, experienced and stuck in time.

 We carry knowledge but lack wisdom.

               We don’t realize that a man, woman and 2 kids don’t always mean a happy home.

WE! The Parents of Today’s youth still struggle to change our notions and free our minds from the chains that we were bound in, when we were young.  We feel that our kids need to obey the same rules that we did because that was RIGHT! But fail to understand, that that was right THEN not NOW!

WE! The Parents of Today’s Youth can’t change our minds because we think it is against our dignity and it will make us weak to listen to our younger ones, who can’t be right as they are younger to us.

WE! The Parents of Today’s Youth can break the sticks if not bend them, by trying all emotional tactics that can bring down our kids to lead a similar life that we did, by sacrifice. We never had an option, not because we didn’t have a choice, because we didn’t make any.

We can’t be changed, because we are elders and elders are always right!

India is a democracy where people are eligible to chose their leader at the age of eighteen but can't chose their life partner at any age without the consent of their parents

On the Wings of Time

There are pathways laid to follow

And trails to go on to

There are ways in the labyrinth

And then there are you

Just taking me somewhere

Holding my hand gripped tight

I think I didn’t stare around

It is just you fixed in my sight

 Through the bustling roads we move

Across the buses and cars, their honks

Time that is waiting to happen

I stopped it all for you

Until I mind the ticking bacon

And spectator eyes, a few

 Those songs that escape the lips

 Were In rhythm of the heart that beats

   Slow though quiet but steadily

  Breaking the rules, that miscreant

And off I go, am being taken

Gliding like a dragonfly

Speeding across the space and time

My own rules I defy

Just settle down with rain

Settling down with rain

Into the puddles, stagnant and calm

Where even the ripples whisper

Into a melodious song

Through the filters of space and time

Being benign in every manner

Molding into the best

With all the peace to gather

Like icicles smooth yet sharp

Slowly formed out of cold

Glittering in the light of dawn

To fathom the self not sold

Risen from the dark and deceived

Hailed from the altitudes

Silvery, washed by the mercury

Ending all up in subdued

Strife marks its end

Tranquility and peace stand duel

The gold lies beneath the chest

The ink gets tainted to quill

The words come out as river

From the peninsula to the wide

The beds have shells and pearls now

No meaning in disguise

Purity speaks and shines in white

When the sun burns out to speak

And the lilies blossom and please the eyes

Once when ceases the bleak

And so shall on, so shall forth

Given the love a chance

Humble dances with honest

Devoid of constraints in stance

Yearn for letting go,

Holding on gives birth to pain

Look through the window

For let it not be stained

Just settle down with rain

Just settle down with rain.