Tuje apne ghar jaana hai”; “You have to go to your home someday” – says the family, the parents who have fed, nurtured, and parented their girl child.
Every girl has heard this at least once in her life. It is a
subtle hint toward making the women feel like she never belonged to the family
while mentally preparing her for marriage. Well, the worst way to put it is—a pig being readied
to be slaughtered in its own home.
The thought that they must leave their homes to be a part of someone’s family has rebuked many women. It may seem like a tradition, a culture, a practice that’s acceptable in society but hey let’s tear the top layer to jostle ourselves with a reality check.
- The new bride/wife must depart her home, where
she has spent her entire life, must leave her parents, who have cared for her,
and stay with her husband’s family.
- As an adult, she must adjust to their style of living
while all that the husband sacrifices is half the space of his bed.
- The new bride must dress a certain way, maintain
a certain decorum and oblige them by following the living style of the new
family orders. Hey, but the husband is just at home.
- If the couple stays away, the wife must visit and stay with the husband’s family before hers. She must visit her own home for merely a few days as a guest, be it any festival, Diwali, Christmas,. The husband enjoys a trip back home like he used to.
Ever
visited someone’s house as a guest for a week? Oh how you feel like going home
after a while! Now think about being made to stay there all your life.
Welcome to a women’s world. Let’s continue...
- The wife must consider her husband’s family as
her first family. Her own parents come second in priority – not to mention they
are perfectly okay with their own little daughter preferring to first care for
someone else over them.
- The husband can take care of his family but the
wife cannot do so for her mom and dad because well she has a new family so get
to business in this house gal, that ain’t your home!
- The wife must change her second name, her
identity (optional today yet common). The men don’t have to bother about
anything.
- Her name gets moved from the ration card of one
family to the other. The husband has no drama in his life.
- The wife must be a Mrs. The husband? Well, he enjoys
the life of being a male in a distorted patriarchal paradigm.
- Worse and most important, the wife bears a child for those tough 9 months, births them, feeds them only to realise that the child gets the name of the husband’s family.
Do you notice something? Women have been subjected to rules
while men enjoy the benefit of their gender status and the status quo of today’s
society. We, women, are ‘dictated’ to be a certain way under the name of culture,
traditions, and laws and order created by men. And, unfortunately, women today
have accepted it as what the ‘society’ dictates. No wonder, they discriminate against
women, and kill the girl in the womb, because having a son means extending the family and
having someone to rely on in old age.
When we offer equal education to kids irrespective of their
gender then why must women sacrifice the comfort of her home to adjust to a new
family?
Why are brides asked to leave their homes?
Because:
Social constructs in the past have thrived on male dominance and patriarchal culture. The women managed household chores and the men went out to earn and offer security to the family. Society expected married women to be financially dependent on their partners. The identity solely stopped as someone’s wife or someone’s mother after marriage. Stepping out of this line, they were called home breakers. Unfortunately, the social mindset of Gen X towards women remains the same and has been passed on to generations. It's time we change our mindsets.
So, should brides leave home?
NO. Should husbands leave home? No, those mama’s boys and daddy’s friends might
disintegrate like a shooting star in the transition. The plausible option is
that couples start afresh and make a home of their own. They visit their parents
and the other way round whenever they want.
